ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
