Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
