my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
