I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
