Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
