Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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