so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
