How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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