I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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