I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
