I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
