I didn't shave. On purpose
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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