she was so not down for the gang bang
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
