the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
