I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
