My liver just broke up with me...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
