he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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