I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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