Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
