so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
