just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
