I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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