last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
