Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
