Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
