I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
