I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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