At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
