You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
