Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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