Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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