I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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