I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
