Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
