just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
