So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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