I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
