I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
