Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
