been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
