I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
foreskin is a definite game changer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
