Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
