ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
