His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
