I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.