We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
