the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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