oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
