You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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