She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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