Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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