Can i not drive my cunt home
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
