I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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