why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
