Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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