got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
