I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
