i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
