He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
