seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
