Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
