I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
