the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
