Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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