He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
