I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize