I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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