...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
