Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
