Plan B is the new Plan A
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
