I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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