you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
