Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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