I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
